Rediscovering my Asian Identity in Adulthood [Rae Rae]
Sticking Out
Growing up in Indiana, I was one of the few Asians in my small town.
In grade school, I was one of two Asian girls, and other students would mix us up all the time even though we looked nothing alike.
It got slightly better when I was one of four Asians in my high school graduating class.
During this time, I didn’t think anything of it but looking back, I experienced many microaggressions like students pulling their eyelids towards their ears and talking in a stereotypical Asian accent. We were kids, we thought it was funny, but the older I get, I realize how wrong it is and it always starts somewhere. These microaggressions turned into racist remarks like, “Get away from me! You have the Kung Flu,” or “Don’t let her get too close, she’ll eat your dogs.”
Isn’t it funny that non-Asian people think these are just jokes? Well…I’m not laughing.
Slipping Away
With that said, I do look back at my childhood and mostly have fond memories and amazing times. I’m fortunate enough to have met friends that I’m still close to this day who treat me like any other human and love me for me. For the most part, I didn’t felt othered and had a great time at school.
But unintentionally, my Asian identity was slipping away.
I didn’t care to learn my native tongue (Mandarin), but I didn't realize as a kid that it’s the only way to communicate with my grandparents and extended family. I didn’t want to eat my parents’ home-cooked stir-fry dishes, so I ate McDonald’s 3 times a week.
I didn’t want to be friends with other Asian kids my age because I thought they were lame. During my freshman year of college, I was eager to join any club BUT the Asian American one… It wasn’t until the end of my senior year in college that I felt the urge to reconnect with my Asian identity and culture.
Finding My Way
By the end of college, I had seriously regretted not joining the Asian American club.
Because of this, I jumped at the opportunity to join the Asian employee resource group (ERG) at my first full-time job at Salesforce–one of the best decisions of my life.
Four years later, I’m on the Global team for our Asian ERG, and I’ve gained many wonderful friendships who just get me. Through the Asian ERG, I got involved with Project: VISION, a nonprofit based in Chicago’s Chinatown. And then through Project: VISION, I met Josh (Co-Founder), and that’s where the idea started for IdentiTea Collective.
Reconnecting with my Asian identity has helped me feel more like myself. I’m still figuring things out, but I finally feel grounded. Also, I’ve started to notice the small ways people can either build a connection or create distance. When someone makes an offhand joke or leans on a stereotype, it leaves a mark, even if they didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
On the other hand, when friends try authentic Asian dishes (not Panda Express), show up to AAPI events, or ask thoughtful questions, it makes me feel seen. Those moments have taught me how much it matters when others take the time to understand, and they’ve made me more proud of who I am. Community is everything.
Rediscovering my Asian identity wasn’t a return to the past. It was a decision to show up more fully in the present. The more I leaned in, the more I found pride, clarity, and a sense of direction I didn’t know I needed.
I’m still learning what it means to carry this identity with intention. But I know now that it’s something I’ll never slip away from again. I am and will always be proud to be an Asian American.
How to get involved…
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